The Similkameen News Leader
Editorial
April 28, 2009
WANNA LOSE SOME WEIGHT?
Easter with the family was an interesting experience for me, to say the least. My mother is currently battling an infection which has brought on symptoms that resemble a form of delirium. The fact that she didn't know who my brother was, but was pretty sure who I was I have to admit I found somewhat amusing.
While our mother is going through the process of taking medications and the professionals try to determine which medication is actually going to rid her of the infection, it's been an interesting time to be in our family.
My wife spent part of a day with her last week enroute to spending time with her own mother.
The report I got back and details I received were no less incredible.
Mom's been doing something Brenda identified as 'phantom eating' which is basically using an invisible spoon or fork (we're not sure as we can't see it) to eat some sort of invisible food (again, just a guess as we can't see it).
This could explain why she's lost so much weight. I was pretty sure it wasn't from hours of watching TV or playing bingo in the common area where she currently resides.
But you know, it gave me an idea.
What a great way to diet. No calories to count because you're literally eating nothing but air. No portion control necessary. Eat as much
'phantom' food as you want as it won't matter.
Hey, this morning I gorged myself on a full-course 'phantom' meal before my shower! For lunch I gobbled down the biggest bowl of
'phantom' candy I could imagine.
Tonight I plan on feasting on the largest 'phantom' chocolate bar my imagination will allow me to conjure up. The best part is no wrappers to toss out, so I'm also helping keep the environment a little greener by cutting down my waste with my
'phantom' recycling program.
You just watch. One week the recycling team will pull up to the driveway to find empty receptacles and I'll have to explain that they still need to dump my
'phantom' trash into the back of their truck.
Just think of how much quicker we will improve our community by extending the life of the landfill site by only dumping our
'phantom' trash, recyclables and whatever there.
I'm thinking it'll also help reduce pollution in ways I haven't even had time to imagine. I'm still working on conjuring up tonight's
'phantom' chocolate bar and I'm sort of lost on whether or not I should include peanuts.
Go ahead, say I'm delirious but admit it...you are thinking about trying my mother's really cool
'phantom' diet. Hey, there'll never be a need to exercise ever again. Good thing I held off on buying that snazzy track suit with matching cross training shoes.
That could have been a disaster if I had of heard about Mom's eating habits a few days later.
Whew! That was a close one.
Hmmm, where was I? Oh, right.
Remember only you can prevent forest fires.
